Girls Night Out

Girls Night Out is a story written by BobLogical (player of John Smith, Yuu Kasuga, etc.). It involves Eleanor Harkness, Yuu Kasuga, Molly Jonker, Carmen Mendoza, Achilles, Almos Lorand, and Seymour Harris going out for drinks together one evening. Hilarity ensues.

Continuity
There are a number of small continuity issues in the story. However, these would not be of issue if the story were to take place in some future time. The majority of the characters featured are currently unaware of each other, let alone at the level of familiarity shown in the story. In addition, Molly seems to be aware of the true nature of The World's End, something she has not previously known.

Transcript
It was a plan at least four months in the planning. Or four weeks. Time is a weird thing. Either way, it was a plan unlike any other plan attempted by these highly skilled planners in their lifetimes. Megali, Yuu, Eleanor, Carmen, and Molly, after much deliberation, decided they were all stressed out and needed something to take their minds off work with. In a monumental decision taking many hours of discussion, they all agreed the best option was to go out and get drunk together.

Now, most sensible people would be asking, “Gee, Markiplier, howdahell did all these people get to know each other? That's not very canon!” Well, dear reader, that answer is simple.

They met on Tumblr. Moving on.

It was a dark and...actually quite pleasant night. Everyone had gotten approval for the time off from various bosses, and the freaky zombie lady had been given a pass off the base. The plan was to go to Molly's bar and meet up, then hit the town somewhere for a pub crawl. Everything was going smoothly, up until the part where they had to decide where to go.

“I suggest again. We had many a pub in Athens. Wondrous amounts of drink the likes of which I have not seen since.” She'd suggested going there a good fourteen times already, and everyone was kind of sick of it.

“We keep telling you that was the past,” said the spy. “Besides, Greece is kind of in the shit right now.”

“I suggest you watch your tongue. I do not believe my country is in any way covered in feces.”

“Figure of speech, honey,” Carmen said with a pat on the arm. “Come on, we're in a bar right now. Why can't we just drink here?”

“But I'm here all the time. It'd be so much more fun if we went somewhere else.” Molly didn't feel like being stuck in here right now, especially on her night off. She bought a whole new outfit just for the occasion (a new pushup bra and everything), and it would really suck if the only people who'd get to marvel at her were her coworkers and friends. She was going to slay some motherfuckers tonight.

“You are silent, child. What do you suggest.” The group looked to Yuu, who just shrugged her shoulders. Shoulders which, it's important to note, were attached to arms proportional to the rest of her body for a change. They were made for doing things in non-combat situations where full control of small objects was necessary, like drinking. It had only been a few days since she installed them, but she was really desperate to try them out with something, like drinking.

Since this was going nowhere and they only had so long to figure out where to go before time ran out, Eleanor had to take charge. “How about this. I know this place in Essex. It's really nice, not too busy. I went there on a mission once.” Everyone looked to each other and eventually decided they'd try it out.

As they were about to leave, two figures appeared from behind. “Aren't you forgetting someone?” A blond vampire questioned, tilting his head back over his shoulder in an anatomically questionable way akin to the Monogatari series. “A party's not a party until we show up.”

“Does anyone know who these guys are?” asked Carmen, very much done with this shit. She'd had enough with random, probably evil strangers this week ever since Henry took them to a magic convention filled with actual magicians who just happened to be worshiping a dark god who required aborted fetuses as sacrifices. That was a story for another day, though.

The two scoffed. “You've never heard of us? Then let's introduce ourselves! I'm the heretic vampire always up for a good time! Church Buster Almos, comin' at you!”

“And I'm the fun loving monster looking for a strong drink and some new eyes! Singing Sensation Seymour, reporting for duty!” Both struck their best dramatic poses during their introductions, having marathoned two seasons of Kamen Rider a few hours ago.

Unimpressed, the women sounded a unanimous, “No,” all at once, causing the vampires to flounder and fall on the floor. Undeterred, they tried a different angle.

“But don't you need someone to look out for you while you're drinking? Lots of seedy men who'd take advantage of a bunch of cute ladies like you all.” This was sure to win them over, Almos thought. It totally didn't sound threatening at all.

Eleanor was still not convinced. “And that's probably what you are. Let's go, girls.”

“Hey, I am very gay!” a disgruntled Seymour announced for all to hear, a confused German businessman looking on nervously from a booth to the side.

“And I'm kind of just into nuns right now,” added Almos. “So if none of you are certified by the Church, we're all good here. Of course, I can always make an exception.” He turned to Seymour, who returned the gaze with one of equal intensity. The room quickly filled with a level of sexual tension the likes of which the world had never seen outside of a Fast and the Furious sequel.

The group was already quietly walking away as the two strange men contemplated making the night as queer as the ending to Legend of Korra. Unfortunately, Seymour noticed them. “Wait for us!” he shouted, both of them jogging to catch up as they exited the bar into a side street in England.

The spy had already placed her hand into her jacket pocket, taking hold of a pistol she'd brought for emergencies just like this one. Even so, going up against two vampires (as child-like and stupid as they were) would be really inconvenient right now. Only three of them were actual fighters, and Yuu was without her weapons at the moment. For the time being, she'd just have to hope they got bored and went somewhere else.

They walked along, the two men babbling incessantly, with only Carmen attempting conversation.

“Wait, that shit was real?” Seymour exclaimed.

“Hell yes,” she affirmed. “Somehow, the Supernatural writers figured all this stuff out. Most of the rituals they do on the show would actually work if you tried.”

“You learn something new every day,” Almos added, scratching his chin and making a mental note to investigate further in the event he ever had to go up against an angel and his boyfriend.

“We're here,” Eleanor finally said with a huff. She still wasn't happy at the prospect of two men tagging along on what was meant to be a girls night out, let along two vampires. Even so, good memories of this little place were making it bearable. It had no sign and was essentially just a hole leading into a rusty door at the bottom of some stairs. Perfect place for a bar.

She led the way down, opening the door to a dark, smokey place with a good dozen or so patrons. It was small with a decent sized selection of alcohol. The faintest hint of music hovered through the air. “Hey, I remember this,” Almos said, flashing back to a bathroom blowjob ten years ago. He almost wished he didn't eat that person. Oh well, it was in the past now. It was time to drink.

They found a large booth to sit in near the corner of the room, placed an order for a brand of wine none of them but Eleanor had even heard of before, and soon enough, they were off to the races. Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly, considering it was a seedy hole in the ground), Yuu wasn't carded.

“Damn, I could pound this shit back for days,” Seymour said, inhaling a full glass in a few seconds. He took the rest of the bottle and slurped it down. “Another!” he shouted, smashing it on the ground.

“I agree!” Megali announced as she slammed her fist on the table.

Eleanor reached across the table to smack the mismatched eyes out of his head. “We're already letting you stay. Don't get us thrown out.”

“Yeah, stupid,” Almos said in a nasally voice, hitting him, as well.

“I do not understand,” Megali stated. “He was only showing his approval of the drink. Is this not proper conduct in this age?”

Molly shook her head. “No, we kind of just get mad now.” Working in a bar herself, she almost wanted to yell at the woman. But, being from another country (and another time, but she was blissfully unaware of that), she had always tried to be patient with this sort of thing. They had plenty of patrons from all walks of life at World's End, so unusual drinking customs were just something she'd learned to accept by now.

“I see. Then I apologize.” She eagerly waited as the server dropped another bottle on their table, scowling as he brushed up the shards of the previous from the ground. “Friends, we know of these fellows, but they not of us. We have failed as hosts and should correct this mistake.” She poured herself another glass and took a large gulp. “I shall begin. I am known as Megali, daughter of Peleus and Thetis, slayer of monsters, toppler of Troy. My feats have been sung throughout the ages, with none able to compare.”

Under normal circumstances, blurting her identity as such would be considered prohibited by the organization, but it was a night off. Everyone would be drunk soon, anyway. They'd be more likely to remember the number of drinks they ended up having than who she might truly be. Many people made the mistake of considering her ignorant. A false rumor, to say the least. Simple, perhaps, but far from ignorant.

“I don't think I can top that, but I'll try. My name's Carmen, and I hunt monsters. I'm usually with this old guy with a stupid mustache, but he gave me the night off to work on his car, so here I am. Who's next?”

“I'll do it! I'm Molly, and I'm a bar wench where we started at.” She laughed coyly. “This is fun. We should do this more often.”

Rolling her eyes, Eleanor finished another glass before speaking. “I'm Eleanor, and I kill people for a living. And don't try to grab her ass or I'll shoot your dick off.” Almos slowly retracted his hand from Megali's spot at the booth.

“What about her?” Seymour asked, pointing at the hooded girl quietly sipping from a glass. “Why won't she talk to me? Does she not love me? Is that it? Don't look at me, I'm hideous!”

“I assure you, you are aesthetically pleasing, strange peasant. Her name is Yuu, and she does not talk.” She lowered her head a bit and continued drinking while Megali gave her introduction.

“Personally, I'm interested in the story on those crazy gloves. Where'd she get those?” Almos inquired, mentally imagining himself with a pair and deciding whether or not they would make him any more attractive than he already was.

The immortal looked to the smaller woman, who dipped her head slightly. Having bonded on several missions, the two eventually worked out a non-verbal means of communication to help with the cyborg's unwillingness to speak up. Essentially, that movement was explaining she didn't want to talk about her body.

“They are from the Bay of Internet.” To change the subject, she looked into her empty glass, then to Molly. “How does one signal for more?” The bottle was finished once again.

Wanting to avoid waiting for someone, Molly took it upon herself to go get more from the bar directly, leaving the others for a moment. “So...” Carmen began, not sure of what to say now that one of their group was gone right now. “Nice night, isn't it?”

Seymour nodded. “Yeah, I was thinking that, too. It's been a while since I got out on one like this. The temperature is-” he stopped and looked at the ceiling. “Aw, hell naw! This my jam!” He began headbanging to the barely audible piano music.

“Don't mind him,” Almos said, waving his hand. “He just gets excited sometimes. I remember this one time, we found this dog, and he was petting it and stuff, but then-” Before the story could come to its morbid conclusion, Molly had returned with a bottle in each hand.

“I told them to keep them coming, since we're a large group. We've got a tab going.” All but Eleanor and Yuu cheered her, taking turns passing the new bottle back and forth. As harmless as they seemed so far, she still refused to let her guard down around them. Maybe it was their plan all along to get them drunk like this. Lull them into a false sense of security and an alcohol-infused daze. She couldn't even afford to drink more now. So much for the night off.

A few hours passed, with conversation becoming considerably less forced. Now that blood alcohol levels had risen among the entire group, things weren't quite as tense as before. Eleanor pounded back another glass, having broken her promise to stop around an hour and half before. “I swear,” she said. “He totally got off on it. It was so weird. Cole's a good guy, though.”

Yuu giggled at the imagery of such activities among the normally stoic archer she'd seen patrolling the base. Being relatively new to drinking and having the body of a child, the booze had hit her the hardest. Everything was funny now and she didn't know why. “I remember when my doctor sneaked sake into my room when no one was looking. He was intoxicated, too, and he said he had lewd thoughts about my feet sometimes.” She laughed more, blushing at the memories.

“I can respect a foot guy,” Almos said, finishing off another bottle before ripping the cork from another with his fangs. “Does he have good taste, though? Let's see 'em.” Yuu kept laughing, but shook her head as her face turned red. “Come on! You put the idea in our heads.” The whole tabled joined in, and soon enough, her boots were removed and her feet on the table.

“They're so tiny!” squealed Molly, poking at her toes. She covered her face in embarrassment, but still laughed.

“You talk about that doctor so much,” Carmen added. “Are you two a thing? Is he cute? I kind of really ship you guys.” Shyness and alcohol had reduced the cyborg to little more than a squeaking ball of drunken chuckles.

From across the room, the surly server shook his fist. “Get yer feet off the table!” he howled, adding, “...bunch of cunts,” under his breath.

“Hey! Only a few of us got those!” Seymour slurred, the second drunkest person at the table currently. “The rest of us got other stuff! Especially me! And I'ma go use it right now! In the toilet! I am taking a piss! Just so everyone is clear!” Stumbling out of the booth, he made his way to the bathroom, his eye starting to drip out of its socket.

She did as she was told, though, but still remained in good spirits, laughing and blushing and utterly failing at reapplying her shoes.

“This has been a most excellent night!” Achilles exclaimed, not out of drunkenness, but simply joy. Her tolerance was far beyond even the vampires, so much so that she was barely registering a buzz. Immortality does that to you. “Come, regale us with more tales of sexual exploits, companions!”

“Oh, God,” Eleanor said, running a hand through her hair. “I've been so busy with missions, I haven't done anything in a month. Maybe there's someone here I can take home.” Immediately, Almos began pointing at himself with both thumbs. “Like you could handle me,” she spat at him, taking another drink of wine.

“Rigor mortis, baby. Think about it.” She just laughed at him, eying different people in the crowd.

“What about that one?” she asked, pointing at a sharply dressed young man at the bar.

The vampire scoffed. “That guy? You've got low standards. He'd cry for his mom the second you got on top.”

“Fine, what about that one?”

“He's one of those sappy types. Going to be all like, 'Let's do it face to face so I can see you when you cum,' as if he could even manage.” Seymour had staggered back now, his eye mysteriously having changed color, not that anyone was really paying attention at this point.

“We grading these men?” he asked, drinking from the bottle to finish one off. “Yep. Blondie here wants to take one home. Bunch of chumps if you ask me.”

“I don't know, man. That one over there's not so bad. Look at those jeans. I'm surprised he even has any circulation with how tight they are.”

“Trying too hard. Come on, you know that.”

“I can dream, Harold!” Slamming a fist on the table, Seymour fell out of the booth and passed out on the ground. Everyone found this extremely funny.

Megali placed a hand on her chin. “I had neglected to think of it, but I, too, have gone for quite some time without a companion. I shall choose one, as well!” Almos was on that, of course, but returned to his spot when the sound of a click alerted him to the gun pointed in the general area of his crotch, as promised earlier. He tried his best to scowl at her, but ended up looking constipated, instead.

Carmen brushed her hair back. It had been let free some time ago, and was becoming a mess in her face. “What can I say? I'm gay as fuck, people. Only cute girls are you all.”

“I do not discriminate in matters of the flesh,” the Greek mentioned, flashing an alluring smile towards her friend, who responded with a nervous laugh and as much a blush as she could physically manage. “You've greatly impressed me with your heroics. I admire someone who can fight.”

The sound of queer things rang heavily in his vampire ears, waking Seymour from his black out. “Who did who and why did nobody tell me about it?” He shook his head, his jowls stretching a bit before falling back into place.

“No one yet,” Almos said. “But those two are about to get it on,” he continued, pointing to Carmen and Megali. “And Eleanor's about to take me back to the bathroom.” She rolled her eyes and had another drink, poking at Yuu to make sure she was still okay, since she'd been laughing to herself with her face pressed against the table the entire time.

Molly, however, was struggling with what she wanted to do. Unsure of whether everyone was just joking around or not, she didn't want to be the first one to actually go and try to invite someone to come home with her. And, even drunk, she was still not fully confident trying to sleep with someone, especially a stranger. “Fuck dicks,” she ended up saying, sighing and plopping her face into the table with Yuu.

“Literally and figuratively, sister!” Seymour announced, pouring more wine into his mouth. At this point, though, he managed to get very little of it in his mouth, the rest splashing on his face and chest. “We should do this every day,” he suggested, barely able to speak due to the blood resting in his body being a good 60% alcohol by now.

Almos couldn't be happier at this display of debauchery and sin. Everyone was drinking, those two girls were about to hook up, a minor (as far as he knew) was shitfaced as could be, and he'd be damned if someone wasn't murdered in that bathroom when his friend went back there. He'd be damned either way, but it was just an expression to begin with. They were having a good time, though.

Taking one last drink, Yuu finally gave in and passed out, flopping on Eleanor's lap. She weighed a ton, but there wasn't much anyone could do to move her. The spy gave her a pat on the head and sighed, bearing it for the time being whenever she could wake up. She was met with a gurgle of vomit in response.

“We will be retiring now, companions. We have business to discuss elsewhere.” Megali rose, taking Carmen by the hand, who was still aggressively blushing and laughing. Upon standing, though, the color rushed from her face and her knees buckled. All the alcohol had thinned her blood, and the rush from standing had caused her to pass out. “That was rather unexpected,” she said, a small frown on her lips. Taking her and placing her over her shoulder, she grabbed Yuu with little effort and did the same. “I shall return them home.” Moving the table, she walked out the door and towards the bar, which was now just across the street. Almos gave her a quick slap on the rear as she was going, unnoticed while hauling the unconscious duo.

“Three down,” Almos commented, taking the remainder of Carmen's drink and swallowing it. “Who's next?”

Molly stood up next. “I think it's me. That's about all I can drink. It was fun. We should do it again sometime.” She reached into her pocket and fumbled with some money, handing it to Eleanor. “I'll cover the others for you.” She tripped over a leg on her way out to try and maneuver her way to the door.

“Wait up,” the spy called back. “I'll walk you home. I think we're done now, anyway.” She turned to both their guests. “What do you have?”

“Absolutely nothing,” Almos declared with a the widest grin imaginable. Seymour mumbled something about turtles, which could be taken to mean he had no money, either. Scowling at them, she turned and continued walking forward. Paying the bartender at the front with a generous tip to hopefully make him forget the loud and destructive time they had tonight, they were met with gritted teeth and silent fury as the gaggle of drunk women continued to filter out, followed by the vampires.

As they moved towards the bar, Seymour walking into a pole along the way (twice), Eleanor ushered Molly inside, but turned back to face Almos. “Even though you weren't invited, that wasn't as bad as it could have been,” she said, hands resting in coat pockets. “I actually have something to repay you for making things so lively.”

Flashing another grin, Almos leaned forward. “Reconsider my offer from before?” he asked. His expression quickly changed to one of abject horror at the sound of a gunshot. Falling to his knees, he gripped his crotch in both hands, chain falling slack from around his arm. “Fuck!” was all he managed to scream.

“Promise is a promise. I saw you when she was leaving.” Returning her gun to her pocket, she smiled mockingly at him. “Don't let me see you again, or I really will kill you next time.”

“Eleanor!” Molly screeched. “I totally forgot how good the nuts here are. Come and eat. They're so good!” With that, she turned and entered the bar, Almos cursing on the ground and Seymour trying to pick a fight with that pole.

Trivia

 * It is confirmed by Eleanor's player that she does, indeed, have a Tumblr. Carmen is also explicitly stated to have one, so it is possible these events may happen at a later date.
 * The story references LetsPlayer Markiplier and one of his running jokes of rhetorically asking himself questions in a silly voice.